Between this rock and this hard place

I wrote this two months before I was finally diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma. It reflects the pain of the 18 months I endured to find what was making me so wretchedly and dangerously ill. It also reflects my own decision to make something positive out of the hideousness of that time. Even in the pit of near absolute darkness, there is some light. Flowers of incredible beauty flourish in the most barren of environments. However hard it may be, our journey can be illuminated by the choice to find the light. Beauty does not leave the earth when we are cast down by circumstance. It is our eyes that no longer focus on it.

This is not to say that we cannot allow the fear, anger, hurt of our situations to be expressed. I believe it is essential to vent, to let go, to express those feelings. I vividly recall falling to my knees and screaming long and loud, pain and frustration tearing me apart, when yet another test proved a dead end. The most important thing is to remember to get back up again. Look around you. See the beauty. It just might make the difference.


Between a rock and a hard place
There is a gap, a tiny crack,
In the myth of time where borne by chance winds
A tiny seed
Infinitesimal spark of life
Lies fallow

Until the seasons shift
The grey clouds shed their rain
And swollen by an accidental droplet
Warmed into life by fleeting sunlight
It grows to pregnant fullness.
Roots burrow down deep,
Life seeking to express its form
In the dark and hostile soil

And with the coming of the spring
The lengthening of my days
A miracle of beauty blossoms
Between this rock and this hard place