I wrote this a few years ago and came across it this morning. An interesting coincidence as I have begun writing again after a very long silence as I dealt with amongst many other things, a progressive deterioration in my breathing. Breath, life, creativity - a potent mix and one I have never before been so aware of. I started on an inhaler on Friday and already I am breathing more easily. Breath is life and breath is power. I look forward to the continuing pleasure of the former and the joy of taking back the latter.
I breathe out upon this paper,
The beating of my heart,
Out into the wondering world,
A butterfly breath.
It shakes the forests of the Amazon,
Thunders on the mountain peak,
Stirs the distant oceanic deep,
One sacred breath, one heart beat.
I breathe out upon this paper,
In Black words etching
The whiteness of the universe,
Butterfly breath, breathing worlds.
Once upon a time I was a fat little caterpillar whose contented munching was disturbed by visions of bright wings flying free in a world beyond the cabbage patch. When my caterpillar form could no longer contain that dream I entered the Chrysalis where thought became form. This is my journey.Walk with me.This is simply who I am.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Gratitude
Sometimes life presents you with a series of experiences which conspire to weave darkness into your soul. The last year has been like that for me.
What has saved me and continues to save me from slipping into that darkness, is the simple observation of the practice of gratitude. In the midst of every living nightmare there is a way to anchor reality in beauty and not in the stagnant shadows.
Each day begins with a blessing, a prayer of appreciation for the greatest gifts in my life, the fact that I am still breathing, that I have another day on this earth, for my beloveds, for the roof over my head. It isn't always easy to practice such mindfulness but it is a very powerful transformative process.
It is always about the observation of the beauty in our lives. Even in the darkest of dark nights of the soul, there is light to be found.
What has saved me and continues to save me from slipping into that darkness, is the simple observation of the practice of gratitude. In the midst of every living nightmare there is a way to anchor reality in beauty and not in the stagnant shadows.
Each day begins with a blessing, a prayer of appreciation for the greatest gifts in my life, the fact that I am still breathing, that I have another day on this earth, for my beloveds, for the roof over my head. It isn't always easy to practice such mindfulness but it is a very powerful transformative process.
It is always about the observation of the beauty in our lives. Even in the darkest of dark nights of the soul, there is light to be found.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Healing words
Once I scorched the earth with the yearning aching of my heart.
Once I breathed out my tortured soul upon these pages.
Once my pulse beat out my fearful anger into the world.
Word by word I dripped red blood against the pristine white,
And as I wrote my bloody words, my heart was healed.
My pulse slowed to the steady beat of a greater love.
My breath became the whisper of my peace filled soul.
My voice rang out in truth and love
My words became the living beauty
That transcends all.
Once I breathed out my tortured soul upon these pages.
Once my pulse beat out my fearful anger into the world.
Word by word I dripped red blood against the pristine white,
And as I wrote my bloody words, my heart was healed.
My pulse slowed to the steady beat of a greater love.
My breath became the whisper of my peace filled soul.
My voice rang out in truth and love
My words became the living beauty
That transcends all.
Monday, July 20, 2009
New beginnings.
Every day is a new beginning if we would just realise it.
In this sense I am always a beginner, always renewing my resolve, always that fragile flower unfurling.
Beginner, begin, be born.
Always open to the rebirth in each moment, the potential for all manner of things to renew themselves. Life is full of new beginnings. How am I any different from the new born lamb in the spring field, dazzled by that first clear strong light of day?
How are my eyes any more attuned to the beauty of the light after the long darkness of the incubating womb?
How are my legs more steady than that first struggle to find the delightful pleasure of balance and movement and joyful skipping through fresh green fields?
All life is a new beginning and I am as unsteady on my feet as that new born lamb.
Although I may stumble, I am filled with the same delight that blesses him as he leaps into the curious exploration of his new world.
What will you allow to be re-born today? What will you see, hear, sense differently?
In this sense I am always a beginner, always renewing my resolve, always that fragile flower unfurling.
Beginner, begin, be born.
Always open to the rebirth in each moment, the potential for all manner of things to renew themselves. Life is full of new beginnings. How am I any different from the new born lamb in the spring field, dazzled by that first clear strong light of day?
How are my eyes any more attuned to the beauty of the light after the long darkness of the incubating womb?
How are my legs more steady than that first struggle to find the delightful pleasure of balance and movement and joyful skipping through fresh green fields?
All life is a new beginning and I am as unsteady on my feet as that new born lamb.
Although I may stumble, I am filled with the same delight that blesses him as he leaps into the curious exploration of his new world.
What will you allow to be re-born today? What will you see, hear, sense differently?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Beauty
I touch the beauty deep within me
Standing in speechless wonder
Drinking in the light and life
With every sense quivering in tune
I see a richness of colour, shape, form
Breathtaking in its endless flow
I feel the beauty of my own intrinsic balance
And connection to all that is
I gaze upon the suspension of heaven and earth
The sky, the sea, the land
Tantalising glimpses of the magic of Source
From which all creation flows
I hear my own beauty in the falling of the rain
Giving life to the soil from which
All nurture springs.
Standing in speechless wonder
Drinking in the light and life
With every sense quivering in tune
I see a richness of colour, shape, form
Breathtaking in its endless flow
I feel the beauty of my own intrinsic balance
And connection to all that is
I gaze upon the suspension of heaven and earth
The sky, the sea, the land
Tantalising glimpses of the magic of Source
From which all creation flows
I hear my own beauty in the falling of the rain
Giving life to the soil from which
All nurture springs.
Between this rock and this hard place
I wrote this two months before I was finally diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma. It reflects the pain of the 18 months I endured to find what was making me so wretchedly and dangerously ill. It also reflects my own decision to make something positive out of the hideousness of that time. Even in the pit of near absolute darkness, there is some light. Flowers of incredible beauty flourish in the most barren of environments. However hard it may be, our journey can be illuminated by the choice to find the light. Beauty does not leave the earth when we are cast down by circumstance. It is our eyes that no longer focus on it.
This is not to say that we cannot allow the fear, anger, hurt of our situations to be expressed. I believe it is essential to vent, to let go, to express those feelings. I vividly recall falling to my knees and screaming long and loud, pain and frustration tearing me apart, when yet another test proved a dead end. The most important thing is to remember to get back up again. Look around you. See the beauty. It just might make the difference.
Between a rock and a hard place
There is a gap, a tiny crack,
In the myth of time where borne by chance winds
A tiny seed
Infinitesimal spark of life
Lies fallow
Until the seasons shift
The grey clouds shed their rain
And swollen by an accidental droplet
Warmed into life by fleeting sunlight
It grows to pregnant fullness.
Roots burrow down deep,
Life seeking to express its form
In the dark and hostile soil
And with the coming of the spring
The lengthening of my days
A miracle of beauty blossoms
Between this rock and this hard place
This is not to say that we cannot allow the fear, anger, hurt of our situations to be expressed. I believe it is essential to vent, to let go, to express those feelings. I vividly recall falling to my knees and screaming long and loud, pain and frustration tearing me apart, when yet another test proved a dead end. The most important thing is to remember to get back up again. Look around you. See the beauty. It just might make the difference.
Between a rock and a hard place
There is a gap, a tiny crack,
In the myth of time where borne by chance winds
A tiny seed
Infinitesimal spark of life
Lies fallow
Until the seasons shift
The grey clouds shed their rain
And swollen by an accidental droplet
Warmed into life by fleeting sunlight
It grows to pregnant fullness.
Roots burrow down deep,
Life seeking to express its form
In the dark and hostile soil
And with the coming of the spring
The lengthening of my days
A miracle of beauty blossoms
Between this rock and this hard place
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