I am indelible

I was contemplating what it is to live forever, to leave an indelible trace behind when my body finally surrenders and I let go. I retain an open mind about whether there is anything beyond this life but I am certain that what we do while we walk this world, the interactions with others, leaves an eternal trace of who we are. I seek to make mine a loving touch, an echo of what we can be if we chose the light and not the dark. Let that be my immortality.

I will not disappear
And leave no trace.
I am not deleted
From your files,
Nor exiled forever
To a distant land.

I am indelible,
A tattoo under your skin
No laser can remove.
Every contact,
Brush of mind or skin
Leaves resonance.
Rippling waves
Forever spreading
Encompass worlds.

I am forever,
No footprint on the sand
I cannot be washed away.

Shadowlands

This was written following the deaths of both my parents within four weeks of one another about 18 months ago. I have what is designated as terminal cancer and at the time of their deaths it looked as though I would soon follow them and prior to their deaths, that in all likelihood I would precede them. I am grateful that they did not have to endure watching their child slip away into the shadows. It was hard enough for them to watch me suffering and fear my death.

Yet here I remain, stronger than I have ever been in the last six years of this roller coaster ride of cancer. Go figure. I still walk in the shadows but there is now more light than for a very long time.

Alone upon the empty shore,
The tide has taken you
But never from my soul,
But never from my heart.

I walk the shadowlands,
Between the light and dark,
Where you have lead
I may now follow.
Help me to be strong.

My beloved mother would have been 86 on the 26th April. I visited her and my father's grave on Saturday to mark it and to celebrate the gift her life was and continues to be to me.  I am so sad. I sang her happy birthday and remembered her love, her beauty of soul. The grief has softened but lingers like a shadow. I love you, my precious one. xxx

I stood by your grave today

And said goodbye again

Yet still I felt you in my heart

In every trace of memory.

And I am glad that you are gone

Suffering and pain at and end.

We could not lift it from you 

It was never in our gift. 

In your life you gave us all 

A mother to the very end

The dearest heart, the kindest soul

Love like that can never die.

I stood by your grave today,

And could not find the tears

You are lost to me in body

But your spirit haunts me still.

Another Spring

Lord, let there be more springs,
Sun warmed air and sharp, clean scents.
Birds aerial dancing, mating rituals,
Building nests to hold new life.

Bees make me smile,
Fuzzy honey stumbling flight,
Furry bodies unknowing,
The technical impossibility of flight.

I breathe in peace, I breathe in life,
Each precious breath a quiet content,
Affirming life goes on.

The weaving of light

Words tumble from the air,
My hands reach out to hold,
To weave a weft of light,
And love and laughter,
Patterns bright with joy.