This was written following the deaths of both my parents within four weeks of one another about 18 months ago. I have what is designated as terminal cancer and at the time of their deaths it looked as though I would soon follow them and prior to their deaths, that in all likelihood I would precede them. I am grateful that they did not have to endure watching their child slip away into the shadows. It was hard enough for them to watch me suffering and fear my death.
Yet here I remain, stronger than I have ever been in the last six years of this roller coaster ride of cancer. Go figure. I still walk in the shadows but there is now more light than for a very long time.
Alone upon the empty shore,
The tide has taken you
But never from my soul,
But never from my heart.
I walk the shadowlands,
Between the light and dark,
Where you have lead
I may now follow.
Help me to be strong.
Once upon a time I was a fat little caterpillar whose contented munching was disturbed by visions of bright wings flying free in a world beyond the cabbage patch. When my caterpillar form could no longer contain that dream I entered the Chrysalis where thought became form. This is my journey.Walk with me.This is simply who I am.
Monday, April 28, 2014
My beloved mother would have been 86 on the 26th April. I visited her and my father's grave on Saturday to mark it and to celebrate the gift her life was and continues to be to me. I am so sad. I sang her happy birthday and remembered her love, her beauty of soul. The grief has softened but lingers like a shadow. I love you, my precious one. xxx
I stood by your grave today
And said goodbye again
Yet still I felt you in my heart
In every trace of memory.
And I am glad that you are gone
Suffering and pain at and end.
We could not lift it from you
It was never in our gift.
In your life you gave us all
A mother to the very end
The dearest heart, the kindest soul
Love like that can never die.
I stood by your grave today,
And could not find the tears
You are lost to me in body
But your spirit haunts me still.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Another Spring
Lord, let there be more springs,
Sun warmed air and sharp, clean scents.
Birds aerial dancing, mating rituals,
Building nests to hold new life.
Bees make me smile,
Fuzzy honey stumbling flight,
Furry bodies unknowing,
The technical impossibility of flight.
I breathe in peace, I breathe in life,
Each precious breath a quiet content,
Affirming life goes on.
Sun warmed air and sharp, clean scents.
Birds aerial dancing, mating rituals,
Building nests to hold new life.
Bees make me smile,
Fuzzy honey stumbling flight,
Furry bodies unknowing,
The technical impossibility of flight.
I breathe in peace, I breathe in life,
Each precious breath a quiet content,
Affirming life goes on.
The weaving of light
Words tumble from the air,
My hands reach out to hold,
To weave a weft of light,
And love and laughter,
Patterns bright with joy.
My hands reach out to hold,
To weave a weft of light,
And love and laughter,
Patterns bright with joy.
Monday, February 17, 2014
To go beyond
To go beyond
Interior landscape
Unfamiliar formation
Jagged, barren emotion
Shared with only those
Who journeyed before.
A shadowland straddling
Life and death,
Bereft, stripped bare,
Naked and yet clothed
In the sack cloth and ashes
Of suffering.
I do not want to leave,
My story half-told,
Many unknown twists and turns,
So much beauty to be lived.
Interior landscape
Unfamiliar formation
Jagged, barren emotion
Shared with only those
Who journeyed before.
A shadowland straddling
Life and death,
Bereft, stripped bare,
Naked and yet clothed
In the sack cloth and ashes
Of suffering.
I do not want to leave,
My story half-told,
Many unknown twists and turns,
So much beauty to be lived.
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